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I remember the eyes of the animal he killed and now I ran into Joel’s eyes and I wept for the cruelty of life and the cruelty of man and the longevity of our love. I knew he could do better. I knew he wanted more. I knew he did not want me at all. I knew there was going to be a lot of forgiving and it was going to be done on his part. He took my hand and was a ladder that lengthened me to the floor, and there was hardness in his voice, and we were a parabola around each other, magic circles enforced us, encased us, and protected us, and he whispered my name and made it sound like summer wind of a long childhood that was to last somehow forever, and I dreamed him and he dreamed me and I held his hands and kissed his fingers that were meant to play pianos, and my penis and my balls, and he was ever, and if someone is ever, then you stop doubting them, but I was not that crazy, as we lay on the cool nubby green carpeting in the gray room and we lay side by side and looked up at the gray. The car is a most lethal weapon of mass destruction and nothing is being done about this carnage. Sorry, I’m just so angry. He was only 42. I was shocked when I saw Allan’s son at the funeral service. I haven’t seen the boy for at least 4 years. He’s 16 now and is a ringer for his dad. Is it me, or are kids maturing much more quickly these days? I must be getting old. Even policemen look far too young. Paul and I didn’t attend the wake. I couldn’t bear seeing anymore of Allan’s mousy, stupid little wife or hear her irritating Home Counties English accent. More to the point, I couldn’t accept the ghost of Allan in the shape of Jamie, his son.Paul has taken Allan’s death far harder than I have. From the beginning I was aware that he and Allan were bi-sexual. That never bothered me. In fact, it added a big dash of spice to our relationship and I enthusiastically encouraged them. While Paul had sex with Allan, Allan would be servicing me. The first time that that happened was an.
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